HOBBITSCOPES
this month by Nina Bitchin
JUNE 2017
Ever wondered what the stars have in store for your hobbit alter-egos? Wonder no further: Nina Bitchin has consulted with some stars.
LIBRA
Mars, the planet of bloodshed, means that war will not favourable for you this month: Battle of the five armies is nigh, but you only have two.
PISCES
Venus moves carefully into Aries signalling the month for romance for the Pisces hobbit: it’s feet-grooming time.
VIRGO
The Virgo hobnob has plenty to say this month. Expect to be more charming and charismatic than usual. Unfortunately, no one will notice because you’re on a dangerous solo quest – annoying.
ARIES
The shift of communication planet Mercury into the Spikycrap constellation means that you should make an effort to be heard by your colleagues this month. You might not be ‘The’ Hobbit, but you still exist.
TAURUS
This month, the Taurus hobbit will be more focused on their personal goals and upward ambitions.
GEMINI
Happy Solar return, Gemini hobbit. Social relationships will be adversely affected by Mercury and Jupiter: expect orcward conversations. [ohhhh].
CAPRICORN
Hello Capricornish. Not a great outlook at work also means that cracks might start to show in the Fellowship. Fill them with gold, celebrate their imperfect beauty, and watch Japanese animé.
LEO
Expect to make a spiritual journey on the full moon. Follow the river Loudwater south to Tharbad, cross the Misty mountains, and never come back because you’re a liability to yourself and to others.
SAGITTARIUS
As the superior hobbit starsign, expect many adventures again; The fall of Sauron is not nigh and we must resist wizards gone wrong by subjecting them to the same maleficia propositis distinguuntur laws as everyone else. Play your part by saying ‘no’ to everything.
SCORPIO
A lunar eclipse in Leo means that you will be great support for a friend in need this month: just give him a ring.
CANCER
The Cancer halfling’s career prospects are not looking great this month. However, you may benefit from a discussion group, somehow.
AQUARIUS
You have to be flexible in your attitude to accomplish your marketing objectives in June: if you do so, sales will be at an all-time high. Expect unexpected help from billboard Baggins.